Following your HEART

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,

    and desperately wicked.

    Who really knows how bad it is?

Jeremiah 17:9

Hard to take in at first, right? We've always heard the age old term, "Follow your heart... " We tell ourselves this is the way, this is right, I followed my heart and my heart wants this. Then when reality hits it's hard to understand. 

When you look around and you see the all the evil acts that are happening around us we are immediately judgmental esp. in believing that only such things happen when someone is "mentally unstable" or has a "mental illness" whether or not someone has or hasn't been clinically diagnosed with such an illness has absolutely nothing to do with what is in their hearts. Following your heart can take one down a dark twisted road and one may make decisions that ultimately cause a ripple effect that can spread far and wide. 

I know, I know, it's not ALWAYS like that. Following our hearts can be the best thing we ever do. We have to make sure that heart, is in the right hands first. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
 In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

There is hope. He always provides hope right? Trust in the LORD with all your heart! Now, if our hearts are with the LORD we should in fact "Follow our hearts" If we all step back and for a moment just LET it all go, say God, I know you're in my heart. I know you know what is best. Lead me.

Weapons are not purely physical things. People may want more "gun control" but until the people of this world no longer are fueled by hate and the evil that resides in their heart, we won't fully feel or be protected. We still shouldn't live in fear. We can strive to Follow a heart filled with the Lord, and share that with the world around us.Maybe that's a ripple effect that will spread far and wide and help us all.

This little Light of mine.....

Ephesians 5

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. ² Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us^[a] and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

³ Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. ⁴ Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. ⁵ You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

⁶ Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him. ⁷ Don’t participate in the things these people do. ⁸ For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light! ⁹ For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

Lines, they blur so easily. Especially when you are overly focusing. Even the best laid plans slip right through your hands *cue cheesy music*. We can set our minds each day to walk the path less traveled and we say "Today I will not get distracted" only to stumble upon a shiny gold coin in which you thought "eh it's just a gold coin I can go off path for just that, and get right back on track" next thing you know you are 5 miles down the road in the wrong direction and you feel like instead of going back you will just see it out to the end and start over. Starting over never seems like the easy logical choice by then. Luckily it's easier than most of us think- if we don't "over focus."

I know I've been there. I know we all have. It's what we do after we get ourselves on these wrong roads that help us grow. Without growth, we stand still. We stand still we get idle hands. Devil loves some idle hands! 

If we break these verses down and really listen to what is being said we realize this reaches us all. Obscene stories- foolish talk... we all become guilty of that without even realizing it half the time. Gossiping and telling stories on others, all of that to me falls under it. We all do it and we all say we hate it. It's a cycle. Well take that hamster off it's wheel and let's try to LET IT GO. Starts within us. When you hear a story about your neighbor, choose to NOT repeat it. You may can not stop it from spreading like wild fire, but you can make sure you don't throw fuel on that fire. 

Don't be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins. A sin is a sin is a sin. There are no excuses and no excusing. We can't simply say well this person ONLY did this, but at least didn't do that and make out like it's all ok. In God's eyes it's all the same. 

Me and Tj have been working daily towards the relationship we've always wanted and the relationship God wants for us. We have come a long way and every day feels like the first day. We both try our hardest to live by the words we read in his word. We pick our battles wisely. We compliment each other. We listen to each other. Things you never thought about b4, we think about them now. We take our light God has given us and we try our best to let it shine through us. Our kids I feel reap benefits from it as well because I see the lights in them shining brighter than ever. 

Live a life filled with love, imitate God in everything, and let the light within you produce only what is good and right and true! 

I am an Army Wife, key word, WIFE.

The title says it all, I am an Army Wife, proud one, but more importantly I am a wife. Other things I am include mommy, house keeper, cook, bus boy, an adult, and most importantly, a Christian.

It seems to me like lately more people just want to label everything, and everyone. Stereo types only exist if you let them. All the labeling in the military spouse world is BEYOND me. "Dependopotamus" is the worst I've heard so far. A stay at home mom or spouse that does nothing but sit and leach off of the service members pay/benefits, I hate to break it to you but, things like that do not just happen in a Military household. That is not what all Military spouses that stay at home do. That is what individuals (no matter what situation) choose to do on their own. Another one is that mil spouses just cheat cheat cheat when the Soldier is away. Again, something that individuals decide to do on their own. And "Tag chasers" now we won't touch that one bc I still don't get that one fully. Are there people like this? I'm sure. Is it my place to judge them? No.

Being a WIFE, no title, just WIFE has it's responsibilities in itself. The Bible talks all about that.
  Ephesians 5:22-33 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

People misinterpret this in so many ways. Some only see the "wives submit to husbands part" that's clearly not all of it. The word submit as defined in dictionaries is not what this verse is saying. The way I see it is we are to lift up and listen and be to our husbands what the church is to Christ, and in turn the husband is to love and guide the wife as Christ does the church. It is argued that it's not mutual, but the responsibilities wives have differs from the husbands but they are both significant and they work together perfectly.

I was a wife to Tj for 5 years before he joined the service. Joining the Army was something he had to do. Responsibility as a husband and father to provide and if nothing else was going to do so, Army it is. Being an Army wife is different in so many ways, you learn to speak in acronyms otherwise you will never understand what they are talking about, you learn the break down from Division, Brigade, Battalion, etc.. (which took me a while), you sometimes are alone doing everything by yourself from grocery shopping to bed time stories, but you do it all in support of your soldier who is supporting his country. In the end you are still a wife, no title, nothing, just a wife bc at the end of the day that Soldier is still a man.

Father's.....

With father's day coming up, I figure I'd write about well... father's. I have a full blooded Vietnamese dad. Now life with him wasn't always a happy go lucky little journey. It wasn't the most horrible thing either. I have to remember that he is from a different country and grew up with completely different outlooks and ways about him. I know that the journey to America for a better life was a hard fought one, and getting his family the same luxury after he made it was hard as well. Like everyone, adaptation was what I feel got to him the most, staying who you always were and living in a new environment with all these concepts of how life "should" be can be challenging. Through it all, I know I was taking care of, I just felt like I lacked the closeness and love that in my head was how a father should be. My dad loves me, he just battles with how to show it, has for as long as I can remember. 

Let me take it farther back for you... My ideas of a father came from my Grandaddy. You never had to question how he felt, he showed us all how much he loved us all the time. I do feel like if it weren't for him my dad wouldn't have been able to show the amount of love that he actually does show. I know my dad looked up to him more than Granddaddy probably ever knew. Life really changed when he left us here to go home. 

Grandaddy wasn't the only father I looked up to, I have the coolest, craziest Uncle in world. Uncle Frank. He is a big goofball. He is the one that all kids get attached to... Just ask oh, Kaylee, Cade, Bradley, Madelyn, Tanner, Makayla....and me... lol... He gave me the idea that fathers should be fun and willing to be silly just to see someone smile. 

All the men I grew up with all taught me what I would hope to find in a father for my children one day- A fighter who provides, a loving man who teaches us how to love and be good, and a fun silly man who teaches us you are never to old to bond with a child on their level. 

I can say that I fully believe I have found that man. Tj has had ups and downs his whole life. I know the relationship with his father is a battle in his mind and heart. The heartbreak he has gone through over feeling like his father didn't care follows him. It is a constant reminder to me on how no matter what me and my dad went thru, it could always be worse. Tj didn't have the same kind of men in his life. Tj has a wonderful step father who I don't think he ever refers to as his step father. He may have gone through his own battles and had to step up to be the man he is today, but he was the provider and he has showed Tj that it is NEVER too late to get on track and be the man God wants you to be. I have seen Tj step up and become even more determined to break the cycle and be everything for his kids that he wanted growing up. Spinning a negative to a positive. Tj shows the kids daily how much he loves them, tries his best to never disappoint them, and always keeps his promises. They love all the time they get with their daddy! He is also more driven as a man to get as far ahead as he can to provide for us all, not to mention he is as silly and crazy as can be. 

All in all, they say girls find someone like their daddy. I found someone like all 3 of the father's I had/have in my life. I'd say I'm one lucky girl. 

Winding roads and mountain tops....

For Spring break this year we opted for Mountains, and of course, family! Over the mountains and through the woods to MawMaws house we go- literally... It was quite a ride! We left at midnight and every time we stopped... All 3 sets of little eyes opened. It was pretty smooth considering Landon really can't stand his car seat. Trying to keep Tj awake was my challenge- all bc he knew I wouldn't want to drive through the mountains. Well, we get ALMOST there and wouldn't ya know, it's 6 am and Makayla gets car sick. Winding roads don't agree with her tummy I guess! 

Now I'll be honest, NC was not my favorite place... We lived there for almost a year once, it took all day just to go to Walmart, the only places I think we ever ate out at was Burger King and Shoney's... it was like living in older times or something and I realized that I'm def a "modern" girl. Oh and it wasn't fun being the only "Japanese" girl in town either... yes, Japanese must have been the only Asian ethnicity that anyone ever heard of. I hated to break their hearts when I told them they still have never met a Japanese girl... Never the less, the trip was a lot of fun. 

I have to take a little time out to talk about a very special little girl. Her name is Bailey. She's a blonde haired blue eyed cutie who in her 5 years has gone through so much and doesn't even know it. She is surrounded by so much love she doesn't ever get to see the bad side of anyone or anything. She's a firecracker, bc well she is her daddy's girl. Randy (Tj's brother) is and always will be a little spitfire himself. If you know the family and you know the situation you understand what I mean when I say they have been through a lot. Bailey lost a sister, but gained one precious angel. I know I didn't know Raven very long or very well, but I know that she's a special part of Bailey as is Ava, even if Bailey is to young to understand any of it. Bailey can whine and carry on and make you think oh man I'm going to pull my hair out and turn around and look at you with that little smile and make you forget anything ever happened... MawMaw and Uncle Randy have their hands full for sure. She is a blessing and we are all better off knowing her. She is a shining example that there is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS something to be thankful for, no matter what the situation is. Makayla is already ready to see her cousin again! 

During our trip we celebrated our 9th Anniversary. 9 years! It's amazing that we got this far huh?! When I say it was all by the grace of God, I mean it! I know that anyone and everyone goes through their fair share of heartache and ups and downs in a marriage. We have been there done that, but by the grace of God we have survived it all. The devil throws everything he can at you one way or the other. We didn't make it this far by clinging to each other. We made it through by clinging to God first. There is no greater love, no matter how hard we tried to make it about each other or about ourselves, until we focused on the true center of it all we really couldn't see clearly. Lifestyle changes in the past year has us to a place in our lives that we wouldn't change for the world. Letting go and Letting GOD is actually easier when you stop saying it and just do it. I remember Bro Dean counseling us b4 the wedding... a wedding that was surround by this stigma of failure due to circumstances. 17 and pregnant was never what anyone intended for me, or I intended for myself, but I was where I was supposed to be. I remember him saying something like "I'm going to try and talk you out of getting married" if he could then, well you get it... We were talking about that one night... and after all the years we've been together and knowing now what I for sure didn't know then... I'd marry that man all over again. 9 years later and I still can't be talked out of it! :) 

Spring break was fun! It was time well spent with people we love. Gas was pricey, but we'd do it all over again anytime! 

Time....

Time. If you ask Makayla, what is time? She replies well it's the numbers on the clock that tell you what minute of the day it is- and there's like a ton of those! The view from a child's perspective is sometimes something we all need. Makayla is young and to her there is a TON of time. Sadly sometimes we learn that time can disappear so fast, and sometimes, slowly. 

Dealing with my mom's condition is starting to get harder and harder for me. I feel like I'm so far away from the situation and it really weighs on me. I have to keep reminding myself, This life I've been given is a blessing, the Army has been the best thing for our family. We are on a path that we love and it works for us. Home is where the Army sends you, and well, we will go where we have to. 

I probably can't even count the amount of times Makayla or Tanner talk about wishing their Grana would get better, or the look on Makayla's face when she tells me she's prayed for her Grana and maybe her Grana can get better and come visit. I can't just look at her and be point blank-- I physically just can't, but I also can't lie to her. Tanner doesn't really ask, he understands far to well I believe. I think it all boils down to my denial, and also my denial that I'm in denial.

This whole post is leading up to this.... my dream I had last night....

I'm in this room with my mom. She's as healthy as can be. She's holding Landon and singing, You are my sunshine, and he's trying to stick his fingers in her mouth and nose (like he does us constantly) Then Makayla runs in and says HEY I remember that song my Grana sang it to me when I was a little girl, I look around suddenly and I realize I'm alone and have no clue where the song came from or how Makayla heard it. I woke up crying. Really couldn't sleep afterwards. Just laid there pretty much thinking WHY. WHY WHY WHY. So I pull out the phone- going to google. Honestly IDK what I searched for- I was kinda in a haze. I got to this verse "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6 - 7 So I thought ok, this is what I needed to read. I have to remember to THANK him for all the wonderful things he has done. THANK him for giving me my mother and all the years I had with her. THANK him that my 2 oldest still keep her memory alive and well almost daily. THANK him that they love and care so much that they PRAY for her on their own. And THANK him that Landon is my constant reminder of my mom. I just pray for peace... Peace to be able to live with the fact that Landon won't have the same memories, but also the hope that we can make sure he knows her and all the wonderful things about her even still. 

Time runs out b4 you know it- and even though my mom is still with us, she's not there anymore. I have to face that. I have to stop pretending like this isn't really happening. When your denial is in denial you're really in for it when it comes to the surface. Is like this song I have on repeat most days... I know that God will never waste the pain.. So here I am, just a girl hoping that through it all, I grow and keep sight on the good, and THANK GOD that I am given this chance to grow and learn and raise my family in a way that would make him, and my mom proud.

We love, you love, we all love ;)

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 

Those are the words that so perfectly adorn my wall over my dining table. Makayla and Tanner was trying to guess what it was going to say as I hung it up. "We love because.... we are pretty?" Makayla asked once.. Tanner then replied "NO it's going to say We love because we are nice." Finally I finish and Tanner says, ohhh MAKAYLA I know what it means, It's from the Bible. Makayla asks "What's it mean exactly?" Tanner answers "That God loves us so we love, well, I think, everyone." 

Little moments like that really make me feel like one blessed individual. We often don't think about why we love in the first place. We also forget that we are to love one another. I know I am guilty sometimes. I get mad, I say things, I do things... all which are not examples of loving as I should.  Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 1 John 4:20 I know that it's hard to love others sometimes, even if they are people you know or don't know. It's one thing I'm trying to remember. 

That's my wall for now.... once I get all my frames, I will be putting a lot of pictures up, but for now I wanted to share the verse :) 

Courageously walking forward...

Ephesians 4:22-24

Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

Ever heard of the term, "Let go & Let God"? Ever really sit and think about those words rather than just quoting them in comments or posts. To really let go & let God, seems harder than it has to be. Consumed by my own depression and my thoughts I was in a place where I was never happy, nothing helped, and everyone around me was at fault. Life was nothing I wanted it to be. I was determined to take it all upon myself to change whatever needed changing. So there I was wondering which way to go- so I pray, God please lead me in the direction you want me, the best way for me to go. I pretty much had it all figured out in my head just thought hey let's pray for good measure, can't hurt right? 

Ever heard a song about Unanswered Prayers? Well let me be the first to tell you, I don't believe that prayers go unanswered, we just don't always get the answers we were looking for. I asked God what do I need to do and was hit right in the face with the answer I knew all along. Change in my life started right there, first and foremost, through him. Something you would think I saw coming. When it hit me, it HIT ME. Change, people say, comes over time. Ya know what though, I believe that you can change in an instant. When the clarity hit me, I saw everything differently. 

After a long time of me and Tj just pouring it all out and just really connecting to everything in our lives and everything that we knew we needed to do, we made a lot of changes. Living this life of acceptance of the society we live in was taking it's toll. Acceptance of the "I need a drink" persona after anything or everything seems hard. We are very guilty of that. I can't tell you how many weekends we would just "party" or just "hang out & drink". Sounds innocent enough, to most I know, and by no means is this meant to bash anyone that drinks and has parties or anything. I just know that lifestyle, wasn't meant for us, and trying to make it fit us- was going to kill us. You can be pretty, you can be drunk, but you can't be a "pretty drunk". 

Cutting out alcohol was one step in our choice to move forward. We decided to Let go, & really actually LET GOD. It's been almost 4 months now since either one of us has had a drink. It's also been 4 months now that we have enjoyed each other and our family, purely and with no side effects (insert lol) You may think you know the direction you are going right now, but take a second to ask God if that direction is the right way- you never know what he's going to say, and the destination, is going to be worth it, no matter what you come across along the way. 

 

And one more tiny little detail that I feel MUST be added... How great do we look in NY GIANTS GEAR?? SUPER BOWL CHAMPS!!! :) 

Sing me a song mommy...

Ever since I was a little girl my dream was to sing. You could turn on Tiffany or Mariah Carey and just watch me go! In my mind being just like them would be the greatest accomplishment ever!

Singing goes way back in my family-- My Granny's side of the family had singers all over, and my Grandaddy's side- well I think every single Dumas child grew up singing, and this is just my mom's side of the family. My Dad's side, well most of them can sing too, just might be in a different language sometimes. :) Music is definitely in my genes!

Growing up I did have the chance to do more than most with my music. I was given opportunities that I am still very thankful for. My mom was definitely my biggest fan. She did all she could for me to get to live out a dream that I grew up always wanting. The music industry is a harsh reality, believe me. People can make you second guess yourself in every way possible, from what you wear, to how long your hair is, to your weight. You think middle school kids are mean and critical until you start down a path in this business. I was starting to try and take it all a little more serious, but then it all just went away.

17 years old and suddenly I'm becoming a mommy. Always wanted to be a mommy for sure, but at 17?? Well long story short- Tanner Posey came into my life Sept 27th of 2003 and ever since I looked into those big blue eyes, I was never the same again.

Here I am 3 kids later and I wouldn't change a thing. Dreams change, and they do when you don't even realize it. Like the Bible says, For I know the plans I have for you. I am so honored that he planned to send me these 3 little angels. They Bless my life every single day. When I sing to Tanner, he tells me I should go to Hollywood. When I sing to Makayla she tells me I sing like the most beautifulest singer in the world.(lol) and Landon, well he doesn't have to say anything bc when I sing to him he just stares at me with those beautiful blue green eyes and I melt. I may not be singing to thousands on a big stage somewhere, but I sing to the best audience a girl could ever have.

3 things that make the world go round....

Landon Posey. This little guy represents SO much to me. He has this "can do" mentality unlike anything I have ever seen. If at first you don't succeed, throw a fit and try try try again. Watching him play is always interesting. He groups everything by type and puts them in the highest spot he can reach. He will put one car on the table, then go and find every car he can to add to it, once he put a monster truck up there with the cars, looked at it funny, and knocked that monster truck right off the table. Little things like that let me know how smart he is. He may not be talking yet but the jibber jabber is NON STOP. It's the cutest thing (esp when he is mad) you can't help but laugh! He came at a time when I really needed him. He was due on my mom's Birthday but was early, but he came out with her red hair- that's for sure! He will always be connected to his Grana :) He really is just one ball of sunshine! 

Makayla Posey. The only little princess. She is the strangest kid I have ever met. I love her for it too! She can come up with the wildest things that make you laugh and say HUH at the same time. Her new thing is being polite. She says she wants to try to be the most polite person in the princess universe. (See told ya, weirdest things) She does pretty good with that, most of the time... She is still however a 5 year old crazy kid! She loves to make up songs and sing them to Landon. That little boy just lights up completely when she starts to sing one of her silly songs to him. She has a pure heart. She loves everyone she ever meets. Everyone is special to her. "Love your neighbor as yourself" should be her motto, bc she def represents that very well. 

Tanner Posey. The one that started it all. He marks the beginning of our little family. Couldn't have picked a better son if I tried. He has this spirit like no other kid I know. He takes everything in, takes nothing for granted. How many can say they live like that? He amazes me everyday in one way or the other. He is wise beyond his years. The other night he was determined to read the book of Joshua. He wanted to learn all about Joshua bc he felt that he was like Joshua or wanted to be like him- a leader who always did what God wanted him to bc God would bless him. All this he took from Veggietales of course. He then asked me could he get a Bible that he could understand he said "You know, with like kid kind of words." He is wonderful. 

My 3 blessings. I don't know what I would do without them. I am so thankful that God placed these 3 in my life. 

New Year "Solutions" :)

New Year resolutions, How many ever claim one and stick to it? Not I says the little asian girl that's for sure! Well I came up with a solution to my problem. Don't set goals that are unobtainable.

This year I decided to "try and be more organized". Notice I sneaked that word "try" in. As long as I do my best to try to be organized I haven't failed. RIGHT? :) 

So far so good :) I am realizing I need more tools of the trade here, but I have managed to organize what I could with what I have.

Going through stuff I haven't given thought in a while leads you to find things and memories you had forgotten about. As I went through some of my stuff and some more of mom's stuff I got to realizing all the things and people that have meant so much to mom, me, and the family.

Mom kept everything in her Bible cover it seemed. She rarely threw anything away. I know this for a fact considering I found a Baby Shower card with a 20 in it that dates back almost 9 years now. I couldn't believe it. It was still sealed and everything. A small yet great blessing and to think, had I not decided to organize things, I wouldn't have ever found it.

I stopped what I was doing as I found my Mam Maw's New Testament Bible. When you open a Bible that belonged to my Mam Maw you didn't just find scriptures, you found notes, on every single page. This one I have here was given to Mam Maw June of 1980 by Uncle Albert it says. Off to the side of that it says "Thank you, I read it and I loved it." By this time in her life I can only imagine the number of times she actually had read the Bible, cover to cover, and how many different notes she must have written.

On the front cover there are all kinds of things written, wedding dates and Bible verses and such. There was one thing she wrote on there twice. Ephesians 2:8. So with that I turned the Bible to Ephesians 2:8 and read it. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God. I sat and thought about that for a moment. I felt as if I needed that right in that moment. Ya know, often times we want to take credit for all the good things that happen within us and our lives. In one of the notes it says "Do not care who gets credit as long as God gets the glory."

So far in this new year life has been easier, better, and full of happiness. And I know who gets all the credit and glory for that!

Change.....

Change. One of the most emotional words ever. Change makes people happy, sad, mad, glad... you name it.

 I started off this new year on the road from Birmingham back to Fort Stewart. 6 hours or so in a car will leave you with a lot of time to think. As I am sitting there, watching 2 kids play DS games and 1 watching and trying his best to snatch a DS to play himself, I got to thinking about how much joy those 3 little things sitting in the back seat bring me and well, everyone they meet. 

While in Birmingham I can't even tell you how many times someone told me "your kids are so sweet" or "your children are so well behaved." I'd love to take all that credit but I can't. They each have these personalities that I think they were just blessed with naturally. To know them is to love them. One thing I didn't realize about Tanner and Makayla, was just how strong they are. 

My mother isn't doing very well at all anymore. Slowly she's fading and her sickness is taking over. We took the kids to see her. Right away I can hear her screaming down the hall way, so I stop Tj and the kids and go on in first. Not real sure why she was hollering like she was, but I think it's just another part of her dementia. She calmed down but started to cry. Crying, I'm told, is what she does a lot lately. Another part of it all. Tanner and Makayla didn't hesitate to go give her a big hug, despite the fact that she looks and acts completely different. Makayla kept saying Hey Grana Hey Grana and pretty much told her everything she got for Christmas, even with mom just sitting there crying, she just kept talking. Tanner was a little bit more reserved, I could tell it was harder for him. As we were leaving they both hugged her some more and told her they loved her very much. I'd like to think that even though she couldn't remember if she even ate lunch that day, that she would remember those little words and hugs from the kids, even if it's just in her heart. They were so very strong and just handled themselves so well, even though it was hard to see Grana like that. 

Last night me and Makayla went through some of mom's old Bibles and old photographs. Makayla started asking about my mam-maw (Granny's mom) and my grandaddy. I could see the wheels turning in her head as I explained they were in heaven now. She wanted to know was Grana going to go there, was Granny, was mommy and daddy, was she.. and so on and so on. Now here's a question you all think you know exactly how to answer until your 5 year old with tears welling up is staring at you. Going through my mind was words that I had just heard Bro. Dean say on Christmas Day.... God didn't promise us physical healing, he promised us spiritual healing. With that in mind, I explained it the best way I knew how. She instantly just smiled and said well oh ok then. 

Change. The word itself will almost make me cry on impact. When things change we go through every emotion in the book. One thing I know for certain. God will not change and his promises will remain as true now as they ever were, and he promised spiritual healing and because of that, I know that one day my mom's situation will change and she will no longer be in any kind of pain or confused or sad. She will be there singing songs with Grandaddy and Unlce Max and all those that we love that have gone before us, and one day I will be there too.